Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
