I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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