I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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