SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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