i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
