I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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