my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
