He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
