operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
