i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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