Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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