I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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