My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
