My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
