She is in my trunk
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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