I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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