not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
