4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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