you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
