Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
