I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
