I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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