The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
