I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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