The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
