I skipped work to stalk him.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize