she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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