we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
