No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
