I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
