My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
