We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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