guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
