tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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