dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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