I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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