haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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