Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize