How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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