i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
