i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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