Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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