You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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