rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
