YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize