I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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