every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
