By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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