I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He? As in you personified your dick?
pray to the hookup gods
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
