im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
