he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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