You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
