I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize