i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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