Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
