you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
