If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize