so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
