Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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