he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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