I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
