Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize