More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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