We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
