tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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