Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
