If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
