Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
