you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize