he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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