he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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