i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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