I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
