Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
