hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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