You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize