woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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