I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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