absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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