Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
