If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
