I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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