In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
