There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
