i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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