I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
