fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
