Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
