I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
