I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
