I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
