would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
