i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
