You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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