I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
