My hand turned me down
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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