I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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