hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize