Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
