Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
