Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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