I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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