i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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