I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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