Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize