Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
