I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
