New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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